Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
