fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize