fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
