go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
