its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
