can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize