I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
