we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
