My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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