I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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