atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
