i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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