She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
