im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
