Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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