God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
