Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
