Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
