First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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