dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
operation have a gay friend backfired
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
