Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
