It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
