bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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