Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
