Im at strip club and am horny
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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