My room smells like vodka and shame
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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