Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize