I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
