i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Shame - the story of my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
