i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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