I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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