She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
