no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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