I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
