Me. At least after what I've been through.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just want nice things and good sex
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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