Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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