do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
