Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
we should paint friendship bongs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
