Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
