if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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