On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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