i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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