I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
