well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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