dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Can Purell be used as lube?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
