Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
