You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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