Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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