I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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