she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
