Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
