Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
