i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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