Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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