All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
