dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
