I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
