You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
