Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
