If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
