Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
