mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
