I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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