she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
