i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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