i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
