yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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