There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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