So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
