Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
