Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
