i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
