You smell like stripper and shame
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
