Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
