Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
