I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
