i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize