Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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