Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dicks are not precious.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
