I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
