I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
