I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
