you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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