...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
