God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
