I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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