You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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