my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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