btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
