Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
