You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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