I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
