can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
