if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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