There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
