talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
