I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
