i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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