i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize